Wayne Weaver, of Pensacola Florida, still does not understand how anything called The Vagina Monologues–the series of Eve Ensler penned monologues that first ran in 1996–was ever allowed to see the light of day.
“If you ask me, it’s pornographic,” said Mr. Weaver in an interview conducted in his garage earlier this week.
“At first, I thought it was actual vaginas talking. I was disgusted and I had seen something like it already in Tijuana. When I found out it was actually women talking about vaginas and the issues that surround being a woman I thought, ‘Well that’s even worse, isn’t it?’ ”
“In my house, we call it a penny or a who-who. Sometimes a thingy, but then only in a medical setting. Furthermore,” Mr. Weaver opined, “it’s just not to be talked about. It’s just not ladylike. My son has never even heard of a vagina, and I aim to keep it that way til he’s 16. Then he gets my old Playboys. And my daughter, it I ever catch her talking about her private lady parts to anyone outside her mother or a doctor, she is grounded for life. It’s not like a dingle or a johnson. The man thing is supposed to be talked about. It’s just normal.
Other past pop culture touchstones that Mr Weaver finds distasteful include Madonna, Marilyn Manson, Thelma and Louise, Octopussy, the Newberry Medal winning novel Holes, and Mrs. Field’s Cookies.
Mrs. Weaver, when asked if she herself could picture The Vagina Monologues added, “What? Me? Oh no. That sounds terrible. ‘Course, mine has never had very much to talk about.”
About the Writer
Homemaker Man is the bastard child of an old hippy and a giant roll of math class scratch paper. He blogs about things and stuff. Once or twice he had kids. He convinced his wife to marry him by “using mind control drugs.” He also does not understand where or how to use quotation marks. You can avoid him here.
Balls.
That was hilarious and typical of Homemaker Man’s brilliant humor!
Brilliant, and so funny. I’ll be back for more…