Angelina Jolie is beautiful and famous and she makes $20 million per movie. She has been on the covers of countless magazine. Angelina goes home to Brad Pitt. Why? People ask themselves every day. Why is Angelina Jolie so famous? Why does she get to travel all over the globe? Why is she constantly getting awards and good press?
Love her or hate her, Angelina Jolie is better than you and you know it.
#8 – Angelina Jolie is more charitable than you are.
She is. She has donated over $1 million to Doctors Without Borders and she and Brad Pitt have created the Jolie-Pitt Foundation with the purpose of eradicating rural poverty. She’s also a co-chair of the Education Partnership for Children of Conflict and is a goodwill ambassador United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees. Tax records show that Brangelina have given more than $8 million to charities. You probably haven’t had $8 million dollars in your whole life.
#7 - Angelina Jolie drank Billy Bob Thornton’s blood.
That has to be worth something. It might make you super human. Possibly a ninja.
#6 – Angelina Jolie’s Dad is Jon fucking Voight
Angelina’s father is Jon Voight. Jon Voight starred in “Midnight Cowboy”, “Coming Home” and “Deliverance.” He’s won a Best Actor Oscar and several Golden Globe Awards. Voight has taken home ACE awards and Film Critic’s awards. Jon Voight has won awards I had never heard of until today.
He played the POPE.
Angelina Jolie’s dad is Jon Voight and your dad is just some guy.
#5 – Angelina Jolie can make two babies at the same time
I guess lots of people can do that now that I’m thinking about it more. I guess I made two babies at the same time, but it was really hard, and my body never looked like hers did afterwards, but still.
#4 Angelina Jolie is a better actress than you are.
Unless you are Helen Mirren. If you are Helen Mirren you can ignore this.
#3 – Angelina Jolie is sleeping with Brad Pitt
I have never had sex with Brad Pitt. I’m guessing you haven’t either. I think Angelina Jolie gets to do Brad Pitt all of the time. That seems like it would be pretty awesome.
#2 – Angelina Jolie has adopted more children than you have.
At last count Angelina Jolie has adopted three children. That is a lot. If you believe the Angelina Jolie/Madonna/Meg Ryan/Ewan McGregor model of what makes a person better than another person it is adopting babies. I also think you get extra points for adopting a child from a poor country.
#1 – Angelina Jolie’s Boobs are better than yours.
They just are. You have no counter argument here.
[photo: Gage Skidmore]