Iona, ID–Negotiations in the lunch trade between Clearview Elementary second graders Timmy Penderson and Bobby Franks have reached an impasse, with neither side showing any sign of weakening.
The talks, which have already stretched into an exhausting fifth minute and threatened to divide the students in this small cafeteria/gymanasium, have become increasingly heated as an 11:33 A.M. MST deadline — the beginning of lunch recess — looms.
According to a source close to the situation, the critical issue holding up the proposed swap — Penderson’s PB & J and three double-stuffed Oreos for Franks’ chocolate milk, pepperoni pizza Lunchable, and a candy to be named later — appears to be Penderson’s insistence that he be allowed to lick the filling off of one of the Oreos before the trade is finalized.
Hillary Jones, a fifth grader representing Franks, said in a hastily-organized press conference that Penderson’s staunch refusal to drop the Oreo proviso is a dealbreaker.
“Obviously, no child — no adult, for that matter — is going to agree to trade for an Oreo that has no filling. It’s a non-negotiable for my client,” Jones said. “This is a clear attempt by Timmy to have his cookie and lick it, too. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go dump my tray.”
However, in a prepared statement, Penderson defended his proposal.
“[Bobby] would still be getting three Oreos, even if one doesn’t have filling,” explained Penderson. “I know this: at 3:15, when he’s sitting on the bus riding home, hungry, the two halves of that no-filling Oreo he still has in his lunchbox are going to be a godsend. He’ll thank me for this, believe me.”
When asked for comment on the Penderson-Franks stalemate, Principal Woodward, a 33-year veteran of lunchroom trades, said, “All I know is that in three minutes they’re going outside.”
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I need the number of Hillary Jones. Because I don’t even know what “proviso” means.
For sure.
She’s the real deal. I took her to negotiate on our new vehicle, and she talked the dealer down about five grand.
Hopefully there was no licking of Oreos at the dealership, though.
Ha ha ha. I love how the principal is counting the minutes until recess. Outstanding. And so true!