As many as two-thirds of women are known to fake orgasms, but a surprising new study indicates that as much as 26% of men fake orgasms, as well. The study by the Orgasms for Male Good Commission (O.M.G.) was carried out over the course of three years, and now shows that women aren’t the only ones lying in the bedroom.
OMG – funded by a federal grant, and underwritten by Yale University – indicates that some of the participants in the study blame their partner’s poor sexmanship on the fake climaxes. “She just doesn’t know what she’s doing,” said Marvin Hemler, part of the research study. “I’m a very selfless lover and always make sure she orgasms first, but when it comes down to my turn, she’s rarely able to help me out. When my dick starts to chafe, I fake it just to make her stop.”
“It’s easiest when you’re wearing a condom, of course,” says Paul, another participant, who didn’t want to give his full name. “I’ve got the ‘O’ face down. That, and clutching at the sheets while screaming out God’s name, and you’ve got yourself an orgasm.” When asked why he fakes it, he said,”My wife has had six children. You could park a Smart car in there.” When it comes to oral sex, his wife won’t “go there,” thinking it’s disgusting. Instead, he waits until his wife is asleep, then goes off to the bathroom to masturbate.
Many men feel shame in lying to their partners. “I don’t want to hurt her feelings,” said John B. “When I married her, she was a virgin. I thought it was wonderful that she saved herself for marriage.” Wiping away the tears, he went on to say, “I wish I’d married someone with experience. She just lays there and thinks all that’s required is the in-and-out. I need more than that.”
One participant claimed he refused to orgasm with his girlfriend because he didn’t want to give her that level of power over him.
The most tragic part, says Dr. Hugh Littman, who conducted the study, “In some cases, both the man and the woman are faking orgasms.” Honesty isn’t always the best policy, it seems. “If women knew their men were faking it, they’d definitely lose their proverbial shit.”
Aside from sparing their partner’s egos, other reasons for faking it include ending intercourse after an inordinate amount of time and a general lack of spice in a relationship. “I’m bored,” says Will Johnson, a minister. “I brought ‘The Joy of Sex’ into the bedroom one time and my wife screamed at me like I was a madman. She took one look at the diagrams and declared it porn. I just wanted to show her that ‘doggie style’ was actually a thing.”
This sounds freakishly believable. You should write for Fox News, Karl.
Nah, I’m not “fair and balanced” enough for Fox.
[...] Facebook, so I’m posting it here, since I don’t have much to say right now. I do have a new post over at Insert Eyeroll, which I’d appreciate Stumbles and Diggs on, but y’know, [...]
Thank you, Karl Erikson for adding “sexmanship” to my vocabulary. And for bringing orgasm awareness to the masses.
You’re welcome. I consider it a public service.