In what’s been long suspected by certain aunts and cousins in the Greggs family, but never confirmed until now, Tricia Greggs, 16 year old daughter of Bill and Linda, had come out of the closet.
“We are ecstatic.” said a smiling Mr. Greggs. “I can’t tell you what this means to us. We always knew she was special, but this, well . . .
“I feel like I’m reborn,” continued a twirling Mr. Greggs, arms akimbo. “Far fewer instances of abuse, AIDS, and boys! And of course, no teen pregnancy. NO TEEN PREGNANCY!” bellowed a capering Mr. Greggs as he lifted his wife in his arms and spun her around the room.
“We’re not telling her how we feel,” admitted the proud father. “Not yet anyway. You never know how a teenager will react to unfettered parental approval. We’ll come across with the ‘How do you know?’ and the ‘you’re too young to know anything’ and ‘I’m just worried about how hard it’ll be for you.’
“I’ll barely be able to keep a straight face on that with that one. It can’t be harder than dating boys who, I have always maintained, are yucky anyway. Frankly, I think this’ll build some character. Not to mention, we live in Massachusetts.”
Mr. Greggs disappeared for a moment and returned with a small white rectangle of cloth. “Can I tell you, this has always been a dream for me, ever since Tricia was born. Let me just show you.” Mr. Greggs then unfolded the rectangle and revealed it to be a tiny white onesy emblazoned with a rainbow flag.
“I used to put this on her when no one was home. I’d lift her in my arms and hold her close and whisper, “Whose life isn’t gonna be derailed by some dumb boy’s penis, huh? Who? Yours, that’s who my little gay baby. Who is my future college graduate? You are! Yes you are!”
“I hoped, but I never really thought it would come to pass. This is my happiest day since she was born.”
Awe-inspiring. The best part is, should she choose to marry, she can move away from MA to NH where “We Know You’re Going to Love It” or to “I LoVermont” and still be close enough to visit. If she’s adventurous, there’s always “I ::heart:: NY.” ‘Course if she wants to stay in MA, she’s covered too. Just more boring.
Win win win!
Genius.
Dude. This was exactly what I needed today, on several levels. Thanks.
Oh, man, this daydream is awesome. And so much better than my dream of my daughter growing up to be a card shark…