Stockholm, Sweden – Triumph turned to tragedy during December’s Nobel Prize Award Ceremony when the claim to the discovery of dark energy was challenged in a bloody epic battle.
The 2011 Nobel Prize in physics was awarded to Saul Perlmutter, Brian Schmidt and Adam Riess , three scientists who together discovered that the universe is expanding and an ever increasing rate due to a mysterious force they labeled “dark energy.”
Midway through the ceremonies at the Stockholm Concert Hall, three of the great Dark Lords – Sauron, Voldemort, and Darth Vader – interrupted the proceedings with a display of deadly force. Over one hundred Stormtroopers easily overpowered Swedish security forces, wounding three officers with laser burns to the buttocks and upper thighs as they retreated south along Sveavägen where the officers regrouped for beer and pizza at Soft Kök and Bar.
Orcs and trolls then entered the building destroying metal detectors, alarms and video surveillance equipment, as well as intentionally trampling on several pairs of expensive leather loafers. Various eyewitness accounts report Death Eaters or Nazgûl – or both, who can tell? – swooping toward the stage and scaring the bejeezus out of remaining audience members.
Sauron, Voldemort, and Darth Vader then entered the concert hall and approached the podium to assert their claim of discovery of dark energy and the 10 million kronor cash prize. Upon crossing the stage, Darth Vader slipped in one of many puddles of Nobel Laureate urine and knocked over the other two Dark Lords, at which time Queen Sofia of Sweden smashed the evil doers over their horrible heads with a nineteenth-century gilded Rococo armchair.
Minutes later, Swedish security guards returned and secured the scene, having found their collective gonads in several pints of Spredrups Krona.
