Longtime Framingham resident and “Doctor Who” fan Peter Quince is getting ready to go out. He’s spraying up his thinning hair in an attempt to replicate the floppy-haired Matt Smith, the latest actor to portray The Doctor.
“This is my bow tie,” he says, clipping it carefully into his collar. “Bow ties are cool.”
Quince clarifies: “That’s what The Doctor always says.”
Quince continues his grooming routine, unaware that his encyclopedic knowledge of classic and new Who will continue to hinder his every attempt at having sex. Since 2005, the devoted Who fan has been banking on the slick look and romantic themes of the new series to help him woo potential mates. So far, he has scored one pity handjob and a drunken act that he insists was sex.
“I’m certain that I had sex that night,” he says, tightening his suspenders. “My underwear was definitely missing. So was my mom’s car. I’m afraid I had a few too many banana daiquiris.
“The Tenth Doctor invented the banana daiquiri in ‘The Girl in the Fireplace,’” Quince adds. “It’s a modern-day classic episode written by current show runner Stephen Moffatt, even though it’s part of the Russell T. Davies era. I’ll burn a copy to disc for you.”
Doctor Who ran from 1963 to 1989 on BBC Television. The show made a brief appearance as a TV movie in 1996 before returning as a series in 2005.
Mr. Quince's ideal woman
Before the series reboot, Quince had even worse luck with the opposite sex.
“The ‘80s and ‘90s were pretty lean times,” Quince continues. “The Doctor wasn’t a sex symbol, like Captain Kirk or Steve Austin. The Doctor is more refined than that. Sometimes I’d bring home a girl and the best I could do was put on a VHS copy of ‘Vengeance on Varos’ that I’d taped off PBS. My dates weren’t really interested in getting physical after I’d shared three Who serials back-to-back with them. In fact, they mostly just got up and left. It was pretty late and they had to get up early the next day.
“Nowadays, though, you can throw on a DVD with David Tennant or Matt Smith. Females love David Tennant – he kind of gets them in the mood, if you know what I mean.
“Pro-cre-ate! Pro-cre-ate!” Quince adds, no doubt believing that a Dalek sex joke will reel in the ladies.
When reached for comment, his date for the evening said that Quince seems like a nice guy “when he isn’t talking about that lame show.”
Aidan Morgan is a huge Doctor Who fan. Worse, he’s Canadian.
Photo by Ewen Roberts on flickr.com.
The new Who episodes start up again next month. Can’t wait. And also can’t get laid. Hard to believe.
August 27th!
Obviously, he is going for the wrong girls. Most likely all boobs and no brains who hang out in bars. Find a nice Sci-Fi watching girl like my husband did and then you can enjoy Dr Who together…
There are a lot of us out there, however, if we see you sniffing around the brainless brood we run and hide…
Signed,
A smokin’ hot (according to my hubby) geeky girl
What’s wrong with girls with boobs? 9 out 10 doctors who do women recommend women with boobs.
Just saying.
“All boobs and no brains”.
Not to mention, your comment’s disgustingly shallow.
Nine out of ten women want a man with a ten inch dick. Isn’t that discouraging?
There are some girls with big boobs and big brains. And that like Doctor Who. Look in Florida and you’ll find the jackpot……
Hahahaha I actually like that Dalek dress. What does this say about me exactly???
It’s fine that you like that dress. I made my own Dalek dress and wore it to comic-con.
I’ve never known any men who liked Doctor Who except for the ones trying to impress fangirls who in turn are only about The Doctor himself.
I have recently found a Doctor Who pick-up line; “Are you a weeping angel? Because I can’t stop staring at you!”. Cool, right?
That’s kind of genius. And a lot better than “Are you a Cyberman? Because I want you to delete me!” Waaaay better.