One of ABC’s hottest commodities, “The Bachelorette,” a reality show full of drama and roses, typically runs two seasons a year along with its counterpart, “The Bachelor.” Recently, ABC made the exciting announcement that Nadya Suleman – aka “Octomom” – will be “The Bachelorette” for the upcoming season.
Suleman, who just celebrated her 36th birthday, is infamous for giving birth to octuplets after already having six children, giving the single mother somewhere in the neighborhood of 14 children. Nadya recently told Us Magazine that she’s been celibate for 12 years. Her children were born via in-vitro fertilization. “I’ve only been on one date, had one boyfriend, and one husband,” said Octomom. “ABC approached me and said they wanted me for the show. I was, like, ‘Where are you going to find men that want to marry a woman with 14 kids?’ They told me, ‘Let us worry about that.’ So I said, ‘Sure, sign me up.’”
Producers of the hit show wouldn’t reveal their hand, but reports indicate that their sampling of potential candidates for Suleman’s affections comes from places like Craigslist, psychiatric hospitals, and parole boards. “After careful consideration, and some screening, we have found 25 men who are ready and willing to be on the show. We consider Nadya to be a major ‘get,’ and expect lots of sparks.” Some of the dates on the show will involve Nadya’s children. “There may be trips to Chuck E. Cheese,” said ABC.
“Good luck to whichever man gets that final rose from her,” said Suleman’s mother, Angela, who had to file for bankruptcy while helping look after Octomom’s tribe. “Nadya is a germophobe who barely likes being touched by her own kids. I can’t imagine her letting a man kiss her, but I pray someone takes her and those spawn of hers. I haven’t slept in two years.”
“I’m optimistic I’ll find a man who is ready for a large family,” said Nadya with a wry smile. “And, hopefully, wants to have more children.”
I saw a chick at the pool who looked like a way more attractive Octomom, but I didn’t tell her that – I mean, I can’t imagine that would go over very well…
Yeah, I think that’s a comment best kept inside your head.
Very funny, especially the part about candidates being culled from parole boards and psych hospitals.
Gotta find the men somewhere.
Did she get free plastic surgery like Kate Gosselin? She may be a total wacko but her stomach is freakishly flat after having a bajillion babies!
She had to have *some* kind of surgery. I saw her pregnancy photos and there’s no way that’s a naturally flat tummy.
Great satire. It gave me my laugh for the day, especially since somebody thought it was real. {wink}
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BTW….there are some new pics out of OctoPu$$y in a bikini.
Some genius did a great job photoshopping and she doesn’t look bad.
Of course the guy could make any woman in any shape a beauty queen because he is that good with photoshopping.
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Too bad she leaves her sad, pathetic looking kids (maybe as many as half don’t look quite normal) in her filthy, run down $500,000 trashed house while SHE roams.
This story is COMPLETELY false. I am Nadya’s Manager and she is not cast as the Bachelorette and was never offered it. Even the comment made by Nadya is not true. She was never approached by ABC. She just shot Celebridate which will air on HDNet in October. Another bad journalist creating rumors.
It’s called satire. Look it up.
Don’t waste your breathe on her, Karl. She’s an idiot.
Seconded.
Gina..Can you provide one comment made by Ocotman…err mom..that is true ? As for bad journalists spreading untruths..oops….rumors. Would that not be be Dr. Drew..? And by the way..according to Public Record….Octo is Completely false…. No, no, Madame….I insist that you do not take my word for it…the indisputable FACTS of Octo,s life….are not only Public Record but Public Domain….BTW..In Jonah’s Aussie pictures…Jonah’s lip is looking exceptionally caked with crust and snot…and his rt nostril plugged with dried snot..do you think that someone could actually clean it…?
Obviously this is satire, a fact that seems to have escaped Ms. Rodriguez. Funny funny funny though! Nice work Karl!
The header says it all. “Click. Laugh. Repeat.” She obviously skipped that part.
Karl, your big mistake is assuming Ms. Rodriguez can read. Hella funny article though!
If that woman is really het publicist, did she not read the part that says HUMORIST. This is hysterical
Thanks, Rachel. Glad you got it.
It was a way cool satire just by itself. But that Gina comment made it that much better! Nicely done!
Thank you kindly.
I so agree with you! Very nicely done indeed.
Gina is using this forum, to ‘plug’ Octomatron.err..mom’s pending farce on Celebridate. Are the men, vying for a date..receiving a hefty bribe..err.. payment,to engage in this low level gig….What are the odds that all three, will sabotage the interview, in order to escape being the chosen one ? Well, I would suppose that the winner (loser.?) would be relatively safe..I have heard and read, that she doesn’t touch men …so basically, as long as the candidates are relatively deaf,and visually impaired….then a spot of cash…could compensate for any unpleasantry.
But, but, but…didn’t she just tell the Aussie show that she would never bring a man in to her life because 99% of them are pedophiles or perverts? HEY!! Maybe that’s the angle vaGina should have gone with. Instead of it being a man on (Not A)celebridate she’s set up with another She-male like her.
She was quoted as saying in her Steppin’ Out interview, “People need sex, but I don’t..
I have zero sexual interest”. This was on NYdailynews.com today.
If she’s not “people”, what is she? At the top of the article she was posed in a teeny,
tiny, black bikini. She also said she never touched her husband physically.
Sounds like celebridate is just a paycheck, or a big joke.
Incidentally, Gina? I just went to your website, thanks to your link and your need for self promotion.
You truly scraped the bottom of the barrel for your clients. Wow, let’s see, along with the bottomless vagina already mentioned, you also represent a con artist (Tareq Salehi), a blackmailer (Ojani Noa), a lying piece of trash (Michelle Salehi), a low rent busted up Jersey Shore cast off (Angelina Pivarnick), a roid ridden rage monster (Jose Canseco) and a drug addicted, abusive daddy who sees his daughter as a 401K plan (Michael Lohan).
Your client list sort of reveals the type of person you are. Collectively, including the doctors, I am thinking there is an IQ of 23, a credit score of 236 and a breast size of 34 ZZZ.
Keep those aspirations nice and high, Gina. Awesome!
I don’t think so. But that just makes him more of a creative challenge for this photoshopper, don’t you think?
I mean, if he can make The Sulemonster look good, just imagine what he could do with a dead guy!
Okay, I’ll admit it. I actually googled this *just to make sure* it wasn’t true. Satire and all, I think that’s a train wreck I’d seriously like to watch. Maybe Gina should reconsider…
I’ve never really been into the Bachelorette, but if this were true I would probably watch, it sounds HILARIOUS!!!