Eureka, CA–A couple in their mid-forties were arrested last night after police received a call regarding a break-in at the Northern Lights medical marijuana collective in downtown Eureka.
There was initially some confusion as to the circumstances of the arrest, and now there is significantly more.
The couple, Charlie Coldwater and Delores Hahn-Buntz of Arcata, first claimed to be the owners of the shop when police arrived on the scene at 3:40 a.m. Later, Hahn-Buntz, 44, admitted that, although they were regular customers, they had entered the store illegally, “taken a few bong rips,” and were trying to exit the store when they realized they were locked in.
Coldwater, 47, engaged the police at the scene in a circuitous explanation of how, since they were members of the collective, they were entitled to dividends, and as such, should be allowed to make withdrawals against future dividends they would earn through their continued patronage. He also argued that the transom window that had been left ajar above the front door was tantamount to an “Open for Business” sign.
“I was with him for a while,” said Sheriff’s Deputy Steve Harlan, one of the two officers who responded to the call. “I mean, if the dispensary claims to be a collective, shouldn’t the members be able to come and go as they please? But then he started talking about how no one really could own something that grew in the earth and he lost me.”
Once the officers were able to extricate themselves from the grip of of Coldwater’s seductive bullshit, they questioned an obviously distraught Hahn-Buntz, who had apparently called 911 in the midst of a panic attack.
“Ms. Hahn-Buntz was losing her shit,” Harlan said. “When she realized she couldn’t get the door open once they were inside, she called 911, screaming that the ‘smoke was too potent’ and her heart was going to explode. The dispatcher heard the words ‘smoke’ and ‘explode,’ and he sent us out instead of the ambulance.”
The real owner, if such an entity can be said to exist, is not sure whether he will press charges.
