The Catholic and Protestant churches have long demonized heavy metal as “devil music” but the between the last three years of pop music and a new generation of holy men, churches are rethinking the the definitions.
“It is impossible to meditate on the word of the Lord when you’ve got ‘Party in the U.S.A.’ stuck in your head.” says Reverend Mark Wilson. “Miley Cyrus might not be singing about sex, drugs and rock n’ roll but that does not mean her music isn’t evil…and Katy Perry – what the heck is going on there?”
A press release was issued by a joint interfaith counsel earlier this week for those wishing to avoid the siren call of Satan:
Bands Taken Off of the Devil Music List
- Dokken
- Dio (R.I.P.)
- KISS
- Slayer (they were just kidding)
- Judas Priest
- As I Lay Dying (turns out they are all Christians anyway)
Remaining on Devil Music List
- Twisted Sister
- Black Sabbath
- Mayhem*
- Deicide*
- King Diamond*
*These bands actually DO worship the devil.
Added to the Devil Music List
- Chris Brown
- Miley Cyrus
- Taio Cruz
- Katy Perry
- Nickleback
- Ke$ha
I fully support the adding of Ke$ha, Katy Perry and Chris Brown to the Devil Music list. Taio Cruz, Miley Cyrus and Nickelback get a pass for now because they seem like they can still be saved. One more evil song, though, and they’re goners *makes throat slitting motion*