And the ways children try to get out of being educated are changing as well.
Example: Physical Education.
Rarely will a seasoned middle-school teacher accept “It’s my time of the month” or “I forgot my sneakers” as an excuse from gym class. However, with Google and Wikipedia at their fingertips, kids these days have a plethora of newfangled ways to catch teachers offsides and get out of dodge ball.
Here are the new top ten ways Johnny and Janey are putting one over:
“In light of recent MRSA outbreaks, my mom is requesting a letter from the school describing the gym mat disinfection procedures. I’m not supposed to participate until she gets it.”
“My polycystic ovaries are acting up.”
“My GIEP objectives and goals require that I participate in either polo or mountaineering. Since the school district in unable to accommodate my education needs, I’m allowed to just sit in the bleachers and read manga books.”
“I have a diagnosed sensory disorder which causes me to feel anxious around sphere-shaped projectiles and the smell of sweat.”
“I feel emotionally bullied by the advanced puberty and musculature of the other kids here, as well as their attempts to intimidate me via the implied threat of their physical status-power during dodge ball.”
“I had a session with my Reiki practitioner yesterday and she said for the next 24 hours I’m not suppose to let anything harsh my mellow.”
“I accidentally wore my toning sneakers instead of my cross trainers.”
“I didn’t eat the correct carb-to-protein ratio during lunch. My glycogen levels are off, so I’ll fatigue easily.”
“I found photos of you online. From when you were in college. Smoking something that’s not a cigarette. Just give me an A right now, and the photos will never make it to Facebook.”
“I have a life-threatening nylon allergy.”