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Massengill Unveils New Bacon-Scented Feminine Wash

For over 100 years, Massengill has been the world-leader in feminine hygiene selling a variety of beloved vaginal irrigation products such as douches, douchebags and other premium douche accessories. But recent surveys show that the benefits of douching may be lost on younger generations of women who know nothing about the word “douche” except its common use as a slang word for pathetic loser.

In order to counteract this negative press and re-energize the brand, Massengill is unveiling a new line of contemporary douche scents meant to intrigue and empower the youngsters of Generations X,Y and Z. Focus groups have revealed that fragrances like Country Flowers and Floral Fresh do not conjure positive associations for anyone but octogenarians. Whereas aromas like Sizzlin’ Bacon, Moroccan Orange, White Musk, Hot Tamale and Diesel Fuel all received good scores with people aged 45 and below.

Massengill is preparing to launch the new line of feminine fragrances with a series of Clean Cooter Classes around the country where company representatives will demonstrate the difference between a stinky vag and a fresh one, followed up by a refreshing vaginal irrigation with your choice of douche flavors.

When asked how she felt about the new line of douche scents, focus group participant, Ima Doosh said, “For the record, my vajayjay is super fresh. But for those unfortunate ladies who have stank coochies, I think these new flavors will be highly appealing.”

Massengill has approached Jennifer Love Hewitt to be the celebrity spokesvagina for the new campaign.  Love Hewitt, who regularly vajazzles her “precious lady” with gems and stickers until it shines like a disco ball, is very excited about the new Massengill products. “I thought my vajajay was blinged out before, but with these alluring new aromas, my cooter is going to be living large.”

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15 Responses to Massengill Unveils New Bacon-Scented Feminine Wash

  1. Pam @writewrds on October 13, 2011 at 10:04 am

    Now that’s what you call bringing home the bacon!

  2. Meagan on October 13, 2011 at 10:19 am

    The satire is not lost on me…I love the quote from the test participant! You always bring a smile to my face….even if I’m uncomfortably laughing :)

  3. robin plemmons on October 13, 2011 at 10:26 am

    I was really hoping there would be a pumpkin space latte flavor. (hilarious, Naomi!)

  4. Vikki on October 13, 2011 at 11:08 am

    Might I suggest “spicy thai tofu” as a scent for the vegans out there?

  5. Kyla on October 13, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    I’m thinking Bloody Mary might be a nice one to add to the selection.

  6. Bon C on October 13, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    Clean Cooter Classes! You are killing me.

  7. Dara on October 13, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    While I personally have not sniffed many vajajays, I can totally see how these “fresh” new scents would appeal to those cleft-sniffers who like a little jazz in their nostrils. Plus it totally eliminates the need for a pussy snorkel (it’s real, google it)

  8. R.Beyer on October 13, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    Just hilarious girl!! Is this for real?? I’m in total disbelief…As in Red Hot Tamale the candy? Yummy ;)

  9. Chase McFadden on October 15, 2011 at 9:49 am

    “Honey, do I smell bacon frying? You didn’t have to get up and make breakfast.”

    “I didn’t. I just douched.”

    “Um, better yet: breakfast in bed. Get over here, Miss Piggy, and I’ll roll out the the sausage for this porkfest. Soo-ey!”

    It could happen.

    • tamhale on September 11, 2012 at 9:01 pm

      I wod think after about 12 hours it would smel like spoiled pork lol this is too funny

  10. tamhale on September 11, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    My husband says h*** naw stick with the one that has waterfalls or flowers lol

  11. yvette on November 23, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    I would like to say something for those who think people with not so fresh vaginas need douche is not true well they should but its also when a woman gets older your body isnt doing the job so well, or after menstral cycle or sex to feel clean. my cookie at 47 is execellent ,no complaints here but after sex soap and water just dnt cut it you want that extra flush. Now if a woman is really finding herself smelling not so clean maybe a soap water a cloth and a dr will do…..but honestly the sizzlin bacon, hot tamale n so forth i dnt agree damn why not jolly ranchers….

  12. yvette on November 23, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    I would like my douche back please

  13. joshua on September 10, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    Fried chicken flavor, its whats for dinner. Instant world peace.

  14. shyree47 on March 15, 2014 at 10:43 pm

    Just bring back the Floral Fresh Feminine WASH…I don’t need a douche.

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