There you are. We see you. Sitting there all smug and confident. You made your New Year’s Resolutions, marching head-long into 2012. This will be the year you make it happen. You need to hear the truth: your goals SUCK. 1. Spending more time with friends and family is a stupid idea. This is...
The buzz around Hollywood these days revolves around one of the most highly anticipated movie releases of the next year. In a marketing move that can only be described as…predictable…Dirty Dancing will be re-released in 3-D. ”It’s a perfect formula,” says talent agent and Hollywood insider Regina Phalange. Phalange continues: “First, you have a...
VH1 sent shockwaves through Hollywood as they announced the upcoming cast for Celebrity Rehab 6. While the usual suspects of B-list stars, washed-up actors, and reality television rejects were expected to make the cut, the most surprising addition to the list was a beloved pitchman who has made himself a household name, 30 seconds...
Anthropologists unearthed new evidence this week that finally sheds light on one of life’s great mysteries: where did the People of Wal-Mart shop before Wal-Mart existed? A recent study by graduate students at the University of Iowa provided some surprising answers. ”As we began our research, we held to three hypotheses,” explained lead graduate...
Palo Alto, CA—Astrophysicists are investigating unusual activity in Silicon Valley Wednesday after hundreds of new employees showed up at Facebook headquarters, ready to start work at 5 PM. “Some of us were killing time, discussing marketing strategy before heading home for the day,” remarked Bill Whitlow, an advertising representative for the social media giant....
An amazing new smartphone app slated for release next week will revolutionize communication between the sexes. Paired with a Bluetooth headset, the Cyrano app acts as a universal translator, instantly providing men with words women want to hear. “I was a failure at relationships,” says app developer Blaize Brazen. ”I value honesty but I never...
A new poll released this week by USA Today reveals that people are more likely to trust statements found on a Facebook wall over those made by certified experts. An overwhelming 85% of Americans say that they are “very likely” to believe something if they read it on Facebook. However, only 52% of Americans...
Hundreds of toddlers gathered on Sesame Street this week to take a stand. In the spirit of the Occupy movement that has swept the nation, preschoolers are making their presence known in the shadows of Big Bird and Snuffleupagus. The crowd began forming on Saturday, shortly after naptime. Toddlers of every race, religion, and...
In the video rental world, success is all about convenience Red Box, the video rental system available at everyday locations such as convenience stores, grocery stores, and milliner’s shops, is presenting its newest spin-off in a major release this month. Red Light Box offers the same high quality video rental capability and convenience found...
Washington, DC—Feminine hygiene product Summer’s Eve filed papers in Federal Court today, suing the entire world for defamation of character. The plaintiff’s attorney, Richard Butz, released this statement: “After years of dedicated service to women’s vaginas, Summer’s Eve deserves some respect. She is filing this suit on behalf of herself and her sisters, Melanie...
