Savannah, Georgia–Theodore Janx, 11 weeks old, has not moved his bowels since December 17, according to his parents, Renee and Harlon Janx of 15 Chickapee Lane. “He doesn’t even seem that constipated,” his mother said. “Except that every now and then he’ll ball up his fists and make a face like he’s trying to...
What should have been a whimsical marriage proposal turned violent yesterday when a flash mob at a Paramus, NJ mall unwittingly surrounded a trio of real mafiosos shopping at Sunglass Hut.
Following the runaway success of its documentary series “16 & Pregnant,” 22 year old associate producer for MTV, Jordyn Baker, announced today that the network will debut a new installment in January 2012 called “36 & Pregnant” that will follow a group of “middle-aged” women as they navigate motherhood “We wanted to explore the...
A panel of librarians in Delaware announced last week that the old adage, “Never judge a book by its cover,” may be causing Americans to delve deeper into reading material that is simply not worth their time. “It’s bullshit,” admitted Ricardo Dicker, chief librarian at the Kent Public Library, who headed up the independent...
Cars lined up last Saturday for the Mount St. Helen’s High School Car Wash, an event to raise money for the jazz band’s upcoming trip to New Orleans, but customers began complaining when it failed to live up to expectations. “First off, there were no cheerleaders. Not a one,” said Gary Buchman, 45, who...
A controversial study funded by Ontario’s Office of the Registrar has revealed that just 81% of the world’s men named Bryan are homosexual, as opposed to the widely-circulated statistic of 110%. The project is believed to have been launched in support of Ontario-born rocker Bryan Adams, who has battled gay rumors for years despite...
Upper Darby, PA–When Maura Leonard invited her girlhood friend Aileen Fleming to her holiday-themed nuptials at the Elk Nut Lodge, she envisioned a tender reunion accompanied by laughter and maybe a few tears. But she had no idea what she was in store for. “Oh, I cried,” Ms. Leonard said bitterly by phone from...
Schenectady, NY–A local preschool has been temporarily shuttered after a group of two- and three-year-olds staged a walk out when a favorite teacher arrived at school wearing a belted nautical romper from Anthropologie.Reports from the scene are hazy, but a passing custodian says he heard Franz Liebkind, 28 months, ask Mona Yates, 28 years,...
On the heels of the release of Footloose 2.0 and the news that Warner Bros. has green-lit a remake of Point Break, 20th Century Fox has announced plans to revamp another classic 80s film: My Dinner With Andre. Twilight tween Taylor Lautner will star in the role originated by Wallace Shawn. “My Dinner With...
A decades-long bond was broken last week after an argument over the lack of apostrophe in a whimsical Twitter hashtag escalated.Gretchen Thibodeau and Natalie “Tallie” Spector, both 36, of Toledo, Ohio, first met as campers at the Can-Do-It Farm International Horse Camp for Girls in the mid-1980s. “Tallie was such a good groomer,” Ms....
