There you are. We see you. Sitting there all smug and confident. You made your New Year’s Resolutions, marching head-long into 2012. This will be the year you make it happen. You need to hear the truth: your goals SUCK. 1. Spending more time with friends and family is a stupid idea. This is...
TLC leaks information about an upcoming reality show featuring those loveable GOP presidential candidates.
Martin Blaylock of Palmdale, CA is suing Apple for damages in what he claims is a case of software subterfuge. An early adopter, Blaylock bought the iPhone 4s immediately after it released, but claims that the Siri application on the phone has caused irreparable damage between him and his would-be fiancee and possibly ruined...
Radcliffe, PA — Pediatric surgeon Delmore Hicks claims to have made a significant breakthrough that may change the way surgery is performed on children under the age of four. According to Dr. Hicks, he has performed more than 170 surgical procedures on children in the last year…without anesthetic. Dr. Hicks says that, in June...
The Catholic and Protestant churches have long demonized heavy metal as “devil music” but the between the last three years of pop music and a new generation of holy men, churches are rethinking the the definitions. “It is impossible to meditate on the word of the Lord when you’ve got ‘Party in the U.S.A.’...
Chicago, IL – The Chicago renaissance toddler Bub has decided to channel his creative energy into the music forum by “re-imagining” Real Life’s 1983 classic Send Me an Angel. “With all due respect to the original, this is not a remake,” Bub said. “From the title on down, this is a totally new concept,...
“It was the almonds that hurt the most,” said a woman who was the victim of a bizarre stoning that involved a barrage of organic, locally grown peaches, plums, apricots, almonds and, ironically, stone fruits. “The unripe apricots left some bruises, but an almond in the eye is no joke. Fucking scratched my cornea.”...
The buzz around Hollywood these days revolves around one of the most highly anticipated movie releases of the next year. In a marketing move that can only be described as…predictable…Dirty Dancing will be re-released in 3-D. ”It’s a perfect formula,” says talent agent and Hollywood insider Regina Phalange. Phalange continues: “First, you have a...
Today’s senior citizen has probably read in the news or heard in passing conversation about the damaging and scandalous effects of sexting on today’s youth. A few may be concerned about the downward turn in society caused by sexting, and others are just plain ashamed that their family has been affected by such technological...
Chicago, IL – A baby “blindsided” by a hardwood floor in his apartment publicly vowed to avenge the unprovoked act of aggression. “It just came out of nowhere,” the baby, known as Bub, said. “Hit me right in the back of the head like a two by four.” Actually, it was a two by...
