CERN, Switzerland – Sometimes it’s the small things that lead to the big discoveries. Take Adrian Sonnen, a bookish, 42-year old scientist who didn’t realize the mistake in the world’s calendar until he was sitting in a bar and listening to Lady Gaga. “I was drinking a microbrew at the Irish pub when ‘Born...
The Republican leadership has had to face hard facts – Michelle Bachmann is never going to be the president. Sarah Palin is never going to be president. As much as it pains the Republican National Committee (RNC) to accept the fact that neither of these women can carry the country, they have a solid...
Steven Seagal, best known for his roles in “Under Siege” and “Above The Law,” claims that, for his newest film “Dead By Morning,” he will take the time to embody his character, before the camera starts to roll. The newest film sees Seagal playing Adam Tidge, an aging martial artist turned detective, who is...
A controversial study funded by Ontario’s Office of the Registrar has revealed that just 81% of the world’s men named Bryan are homosexual, as opposed to the widely-circulated statistic of 110%. The project is believed to have been launched in support of Ontario-born rocker Bryan Adams, who has battled gay rumors for years despite...
Stockholm, Sweden – Triumph turned to tragedy during December’s Nobel Prize Award Ceremony when the claim to the discovery of dark energy was challenged in a bloody epic battle. The 2011 Nobel Prize in physics was awarded to Saul Perlmutter, Brian Schmidt and Adam Riess , three scientists who together discovered that the universe is...
A haunting prospect from your past has been confirmed: while initially dismissed as rumor and hearsay, it appears that Peter Donnelly, the boy who sat behind you in your eighth grade Spanish class, has been engaging in a sexual relationship with your mother for the past twenty-three years. “At first we thought Peter was...
Palo Alto, CA—Astrophysicists are investigating unusual activity in Silicon Valley Wednesday after hundreds of new employees showed up at Facebook headquarters, ready to start work at 5 PM. “Some of us were killing time, discussing marketing strategy before heading home for the day,” remarked Bill Whitlow, an advertising representative for the social media giant....
The soul-sucking beige of workplace cubicles. The mind-numbing hum of corporate machinery. Higher-ups who pay lip-service to “process improvement” and “thinking out of the box”. For over sixty years, the American office worker has all but resigned herself to being little more than a moderately educated cog in a minimally innovative setting. “It’s difficult...
